So, I was thinking about writing a country song about my ex-boyfriend (which really should be ex-boyfriend/man-child)... and I want to title it "Baby Daddy Blues"... I can hear it now...
He took me to dinner,
and a ride in his while old lady car,
he made me laugh,
and walked me to my door.
What I didn't know,
is that he was living with his mama...
A 40 year old man,
I wish I would have known before I became his baby's mama
Ok, so something like that, and maybe I am being a bit BITCHY here with this, but I am beside myself right now and have no idea how to handle it.
First, Maddy's daddy likes to "fabricate" the truth and he LOVES to stir the pot with people. Fine, if that is how he gets his kicks, then let him be. But for a while, he was spreading a lot of rumors around my home town about me, which was very embarrassing and when I got confronted in a Hy-Vee by one of his co-workers regarding what he had been saying (he was telling them he didn't know if he was even the father of my child, because I kicked his freeloading ass out of my house and broke up with him)...
Before I go on a tangent about stupid, I have to remember you can't fix stupid...
But what I need to fix is HOW he treats our daughter when she is with him. She is ONLY 3 and he laughs at EVERYTHING she does, even the naughty stuff. So when she comes home she thinks she can jump on everything and she can scream. WTH. His girlfriend has no control over her own son, who is in kindergarten for the second time this year, and Maddy spends a lot of time with them. NO wonder she gets crazy when she is there--- they allow it. They think it is acceptable.
So how do I intervene without coming off as bossy, or rude, or bitchy? Maybe I just have to be a boss and have a mom-intervention. Tell him how he should parent (which I have tried. I even have made a list with her schedule, etc). A 3 year old should not be up until 11 pm on a Saturday night for cry eye NOR should she be around a lot of GROWN MEN drinking and watching college football.
How do I step in and tell him how to take care of his child? She was only there for two days. TWO days and her little life is totally disrupted because he cannot keep on a schedule nor does he have any follow through. That and he neglected her general upkeep. I don't think she had a bath, and her toes (she has eczema between her toes) were so sore when she got home, I don't think he even put the cream on her feet which is a MUST. Does he not understand that when she doesn't have her lotion on her toes they HURT to high heaven? No, all he cares about is himself... and football.
I really need help.
Here is how I picked up my child today... her face is covered in chocolate and her hair had not been combed..
When I asked him what the chocolate was from (and y'all know from reading my blogs I am NOT a junk food person, I am NOT a candy and sugar person AT ALL)... he told me he stopped at Casey's and got her a donut, chocolate milk and candy (2 bags--which there are 12 candies in one bag) in which she ate an entire bag of these (and part of the second bag, this is all she had left):
I kid you not. I am having a hard time trying to figure out how this 43 year old man doesn't understand how to be a grown up? (He does still live with his mom, by the way.) I worry when my daughter is there because they don't watch what they say around her, and they talk loudly and YELL. But most importantly, I don't think her hygiene needs are met. :( She comes home being so rug-ratty it is out of this world. For those of you who know my Maddy, you know she is my dress wearing, pigtails daily, perfume wearing, rough and tumbly princess.... NOT this temper tantrum throwing, disheveled, screaming three year old.
My kids are my world. I am honestly at a loss here. Suggestions would be appreciated. I am worried about her general care while she is with him. I know he means well, but I just don't think he has the wherewithal to parent.
What should I do? For now, I will have to get suggestions and think on it. She doesn't go to see him for another month. I have time to devise a game plan. Please wish me luck... pray... suggestions welcome!