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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Back to the DAMN Chart...

So getting back on track in 2014, I am also getting back on track with my kids.

Maddy is still a turkey and needs to be reigned in.  She truly enjoys getting me upset and ruffling my feathers, matter of fact... this child LAUGHS in my face if I give her a spanking.  And honestly, I don't want to be that mom.  You know the one who screams and beats her child?  So after discussing it with her... YES, I had to discuss the idea of behavior with my 4 year old diva, because if it is her idea she will actually follow it.  What I actually do is kinda like a pre-schooler Jedi mind trick thing and she decided on a behavior chart with prizes. How coincidental that THAT is what I also thought would be good and just "happened" to have the supplies in order to create said chart.

So, we made the chart, and the school made a chart there too so we can be in sync which is also helping her at school.  THANK GOODNESS. 

She wants prizes for being good. NOW, the prize should be she gets to come out of her room another day... but alas, she needs to see her rewards come to fruition.  So, I am going to gather some toys (well, some she forgot she has, and some from the dollar store, and a few big prizes I picked up at Walgreens after Christmas) and put them out on display for her.  SO, when she has a few good days, she can pick a small prize and eventually build up to a bigger one.  Eventually she wants to go to the mall and a waterpark, so that will have to be in a while.

So I am thinking, "I WIN! I WIN!" with my 4 year old, and my son (who is 10 and absolutely a GEM of a child-- I ask him to pick up, and he says 'yes ma'am' and he does it).... where was I, oh my son then says, what about me? Where is my behavior chart?

OK. Kids.  Really? He is such a great kid, I don't NEED to make a chart for him, but I don't want him to be left out.

Cuz, let's face it... I don't want HIM to start doing naughty things JUST to have a chart like Maddy, then the whole damn chart thing BLOWS UP in my face.

So what do I do....

I am at a behavioral chart cross roads so to speak. I have to accommodate in some way and make him a chart!  SHIIIIITTTTTTT!

PLAN!  I have it!

He loves video games and computer time, and because he is so good, I don't have him do a lot to earn time on the computer/DS/etc.  So why not have him do different chores and activities to earn computer time.

BRILLIANT!  AND he loves the idea! (lets just see for how long, kids)

So, he has normal chores he helps with that will earn him time every day (note not all chores are daily, but his responsibility)
1) feed and water cat
2) take recycle and trash out
3) unload dishwasher
4) fold his clothes
5) carry laundry down to the wash

But what if he wants extra time?  Well... why not have him do a little workin' out with me?
So for extra time, he will have to do some pushups, squats, jogging... sit ups... and I will do them with him (when I can, I am having surgery so I cannot do it for a while). 

For every minute he wants extra of "inactivity" I will ask him for that equivalent in activity.


Whoooshhhhh.... Now back to work. I feel like a frikkin' rock star.

Or wait, mom star?

Or super chart maker?

Well, you get it.......

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

It's Not About You... It's About Me

So, I was just messaging my dear friend about this awesomeness she is going through and how she wants to share this joy with my son and I, and I realize that she, a lot like me, spends a lot of time focused on helping others.

And sometimes, we focus so much on others that we forget to focus on ourselves. 

Over the past few months I have really taken a kin to cleansing the crap out of my life, but the one thing I am not good at is letting go of what others expect of me, or making others happy or satisfied with MY actions.  Why do I have to prove my love or worth? I shouldn't have to but I always find I am doing it... whether it is with work, or my kids... family, friends... MEN!

So, I have decided that with some aspects of my life, and choices I make in the next year it is about me... it is SO not about you (and not you -- personally, you the general use of the word... and well, by me I mean me specifically and my kids).

Now riddle me this, how do certain people attract the same type of person in their life time and time and time and time and time and time and time again?  WHY?  Is it because they are used to be treated that way? Or do they NOT care about their own life enough to have higher expectations?  I am just asking. OR when will my 42 year old self get to the point of loving myself enough that I don't let other assholes walk all over me? WHEN? 

I am holding up the MELISSA ROCKS flag and I will wave it and take care of myself and if I say NO to you, IT IS NOT about YOU (and again, it is not the personal you, it is the general you). 

So yes, it is about me... It is my turn to be selfish.  Please don't use your martyr tactics to make me feel sad or tell me that you are the bad person because if you are using someone and lying to them... guess what, your a bad person.  End of story.  If you don't like it, fucking change it. This is what I honestly wanted to say to that man today who was taking my friend's food stamps. YOU NEED TO WAKE UP AND CHANGE!  But he would respond, I am 40, I am too old to change... to which I respond... TOUCHE ASS... here's a dolla, got a few quarters?  It is that easy... CHANGE!

So for me, I am making life choices... and they are for MY betterment... like my surgery on Friday.  It is cosmetic, and I have friends that tell me I look fine the way I am and that they don't notice my odd stomach (after loosing all the weight).  But this surgery is not about them and matter of fact it is not about being sexier for anyone else.  It is about being better, and sexier for me.

This tummy tuck I am having is all for me...

and well, it honestly is for the fact that when I can eventually run again I won't feel like I have a third boob smacking my vagina.

Friday, January 3, 2014

New Beginnings for a New Year

Happy 2014, or the third day of 2014... Last year was truly an emotional roller coaster for me, and instead of going over the good, bad and ugly... I have decided to start fresh with this blog.

I am now 42 years old, and I am holding onto things from my past that I need to shed.  Like a pair of sweat pants from 2006 that Jeff gave me for Christmas... the hoodies I got from my ex husband that comforts me. The left over skin that clings to my body reminding me of how heavy I once was. 

I see all of this skin and I sometimes feel like a prisoner in my own body.  The skin is a reminder of the 355 lb me I once was.  And like a felon who keeps going back to prison because it is the only life he knows, I take comfort in my extra layers as it shields me from getting to close to others... it is my prison so to speak.

So, I am shedding crap (thank you Ann for that fantastic word).  I am not making a New Years resolution. I am making a SHED THAT SHIT prediction, or forecast if you will. I am gonna shed that toxicity out of my life. HOLLAH.

42 and a new you--- is my motto (and it rhymes, whoot)...

Here are my 2014 crap shredding goals:

1) I will remove this damn skin.  This will happen on January 10th as I head to the hospital to have a Fleur De Lis Abdominoplasty. (and I may post pictures once I am comfortable with my pre and post self)

2) I will get rid of some of the things I have been physically clinging to from my past that have no room in my future.

3) I will stand up for myself. CRAP, kids... I am a fucking pushover.  I need to stand firm and I guess take some bitch lessons according to my aunt.

4) I will remove toxic people from my life.  I certainly don't need them, and neither do my kids.

5) I will get through the hoarders mess in the kid's playroom once and for all.

6) I will be kinder to myself.  Hells to the yeah, bitches. I am so hard on myself... but I will treat myself better and I will be nicer to me.

7) I will continue to champion my children and support their choices and be there for them.

8)  I will be quieter and more thoughtful when I speak (Man, my boss should read this now, LOL)

9)  I will start running again...

10) I will clean my room. (kids, I have been in this house since June and my bedroom has never been clean)

11) I will learn to love myself again.

12) I will get rid of all of those size 6s that don't fit me anymore and give up hope of fitting in them (plus they are all from 2005 so they are out of style anyway, LOL).

13) I will clean up my "friends" list on Facebook.  Mama don't need no asshole friends on there, KWIM?

14) I will frown less and smile more, and even try to laugh often... an honest laugh... and focus on the positive not the negative....

So my 14 goals for 2014 to shred that shit.  I seriously think I needed this epiphany of sorts to get my life back on the right track! 

Many Blessings to you in this new season!