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Tuesday, March 25, 2014

When People Fail Me...

When people fail me, I always give them a second, third, seventy-second chance.  I truly try to believe that people can change for the better... they can become their best self. HOWEVER....

I am having a very hard time right now because I am trying to help in a very difficult situation. A situation where I thought that things would somewhat change and it would be fine, but I am starting to think things are definitely NOT fine...

Recently, someone important in my life left an abusive marriage.  She was choked, provoked... she was ridiculed on a daily basis and was controlled.  I listened to messages from her "husband" screaming at her telling her that she was HIS property and that she had to come home to HIM because he owned her.

Screaming, yelling... high and drunk while doing it all....

He is getting help NOW for the drug and booze issue, I am proud of him for that, but what he is not doing, is dealing with the abusive nature he is so accustomed to.

NOT to give him any slack or justification, but he grew up in a very abusive house.  He is his father's son... the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and all that jazz... (his father is/was a verbal and physical abuser)...So how is he going to fix the original demon that he carries like armor? How is he going to stop being abusive? I personally thought that when he got help through NA or AA it would help with the abusive behavior, but unfortunately it has not helped.

I feel caught between a rock and a very hard place on a small ledge with no where to go but down...

The actual public post on FaceBook. I hid the names to keep all parties free from identification on my blog

I want to help, because I love the child... but it is too much emotional roller coastering.... from him that I don't think I can do this anymore.  I have lifted it up to God for help because I cannot do this.  Especially when his father and he talk poorly about my sister and on Facebook where friends can see and share it... it makes her depressed... and it truly is uncalled for.  I will not use any names here to protect them all and really this is MY blog to blog about whatever comes to my mind... so this is it...

I want to scream from the roof top that the baby's mom is NOT partying or doing anything besides raising her baby and trying to gain employment as any single parent would.  And I don't really take care of the baby. I help out from time to time and I coordinate visits.  THAT IS IT. I don't feed her, I don't change a poopy diaper, and I don't do any of that... SMH... I want to cry because we spend so much time in this world blaming others instead of just fixing our own stuff and forgiving... (that is a different blog for a different day)....

I guess I have to sit here and remind myself that I cannot fix it.  I never could.  The abuser has to want to change, and if he/she can get her way by being a bully and by being rude why change? It has worked in the past.

And on a side note tangent, why do we expect that we can CHANGE people? We cannot change a person, they change on their own... so I cannot change this person... I can only be myself and show him a better way to communicate...


So, when people fail you... what do you do?  Does it even make sense to get mad back or call them out or does it make the situation worse?

I find that here I am... I the person who helps facilitate the pick ups and drop offs.  I do it with a happy heart.  I have to abide by a court document and I can be a bit flexible with it, and when I do and give him more than what is required he or his father shows true colors... Is it worth my happiness and my sanity?

Look up in the sky to the everlasting Father, my Daddy with eyes and heart and mind of a child....

  I have to always say as I am getting ready to do something, "GOD... let it be YOU who speaks from my mouth and not me, because right now I cannot do this... I need YOU."

I also have to remember that people will always fail me and fail each other... we are born imperfect, a creation of strung together successes and failures... we are born to fail and without the help of God we will continue to fail... but with HIS love we will change, and walk in Him.

Maybe I need to just rest my faith there.  Rest in the fact that God will watch over the situation and bring some light at the end of the tunnel.

Until then, what would you do?  Would you still continue to help facilitate the meetings or step down?  


Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Get Off Your Butt and DO SOMETHING About It!

Have you EVER in your life just wanted to YELL this statement at someone,


Followed by, quit your belly aching.  You think YOU have it tough?  Seriously. There are children in Africa starving and you have food.  Or better yet, you have food... the family 1 mile away from you just lost their father, the sole bread winner and they have no food.  Maybe some people need a reality check.... I mean DID YOU have to walk up hill, both ways in the freezing cold with no shoes? NO YOU DIDN'T (and nether did your mother... lol) so stop it with your sense of entitlement. SHEESHHH...

I am so frustrated by people who say, OH POOR, POOR ME... and they have EVERY-darn-THING.... especially when they consistently post it on social media... "I am so sad, I don't have money" (she posts from her iPhone 5 while drinking a Starbucks coffee)...

Don't get me wrong, we all can control our own use of  our own use of social media, but when does it become too much?

Do you think there are social media drama queens (NOOOOOOO) that purposely cause drama on the internet just to cause drama? I know, hard to imagine (yes, you guessed it a round of sarcasm there).

And we are all frustrated with them, right? You know who I am talking about... that one chick who posts all the time about how horrible her life is? Or that dude who cannot ever have anything positive work out for him... maybe they need unicorns and rainbows on their newsfeed. OR WAIT... rainbow farting unicorns! Maybe WE should unite and plaster facebook for a day with nothing but HAPPY STUFF.  Like, I took a poop and I feel like a new woman... Or WHOOT... or maybe you are feeling a bit philosophical and want to elaborate on your poop or whoot, do it.... just be happy about it.

Happy is a choice, people... be happy darn it.  DO I have to come over there and SHAKE you INTO happy? LOL  it is a decision. 

I mean, there are plenty of things that could bring me down... the debt crisis in the US... first and foremost (don't even get me started)... the fact that I cannot DVR The Voice on Mondays because I am already DVRing How I Met Your Mother... OR what about this? I am out of coffee... I have decalf but that is not good enough... these things can all get me down... but do I let it? NO. I make a choice to NOT be down, I instead get happy.

Like, I can't DVR the Voice, but my neighbor does, and he leaves his back door open in the morning when he goes to work so I can sneak in and watch it..... and then I grab some of his coffee to drink. Its all good.

I really wouldn't do that by the way, but seriously.  Life is NOT easy... no one ever guaranteed us a safe, easy journey. 

WE have two guarantees in life...death and taxes. 

So, let's plan a happy day.  For the 21st of March (SPRING) where we only post happy stuff in social media.  Let's flood this world with frikkin' rainbows and unicorns.  #happysmileday Who is in this with me?

I will walk the sunny side of life... And if I see someone who is a Debbie downer, I will post something nice and happy to them and #happysmileday.  Let's see if we can change some people one dust of happy at a time.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Just a Girl...

So... I have been doing a LOT of thinking over the weekend. 

I am a single mom... I raise two fantastic kidlets and they are so happy... they are smart and they know that they are my world.  I put everything (besides my faith in God)  behind my children's needs. I firmly believe that my job is to raise functioning adults who are not entitled... let it begin now...

I also have a career... so I am a working mom... three full time jobs (mom, cook, cleaner, real life worker, cab driver)--- ERR I have FIVE full time jobs-- and I am not complaining... that would be a waste of good air.  I would NEVER complain because there are people out there who would be great parents who cannot have children, and if I were to complain, it would be a slap in the face to them... So why complain about being a parent? Yeah. It sucks from time to time.  Yeah, you have to be the "mean mommy" (as my kids call me sometimes) but buck up little camper, you signed up for this... parent = roller coaster.  Just saying.  SO love it... enjoy it.

OK... so I digressed there a bit on a parent tangent, but it will make sense here in a bit... because I am so "MOM" oriented I don't spend any time looking for quality companionship for me, and you know what? THAT IS OK.   WHY?

Here is the truth and man friends, don't be a hater, because if it were YOU I was talking about here, I would mention your name, K? 

Men suck at dating.

Even when you are married and comfortable you should still date and WOO your partner.  YEP, I used the word WOO from like 1940.  BUT COME ON... WOO that lady.

I have been watching a dear friend try to date and man, it really is frustrating. 

If you are a man and you are single and you are reading this... here are your steps into finding a woman who is RESPECTABLE.  Someone you can CHERRISH...

1) DO NOT SEND A PENIS SELFIE.  Just no. Ewww... that is gross and well, consider the audience.  This is a LADY... treat her like one.  I mean, if you saw a HOT CHICK at the mall, would you walk up to her and say hey girl... how about this? And drop your pants so she could see your PACKAGE? I DON'T THINK SO... just don't do it. EWWWWW...

2) When you are posting a profile on let's say, "Plenty of Fish", describe your crap as if your mother would read it.  Don't be like, "Girl, I be the 1 4 u.  I can treat you like a queen, mmmm.... just wait until we get to my crib, girl." WHO SAYS THAT IN REAL LIFE WHEN THEY SEE SOMEONE? IF YOU DON'T SAY IT THERE, THEN CRUD... DON'T SAY IT ONLINE WHERE EVERYONE UNDER THE SUN CAN READ THAT....

3) I want a real date.  I don't want you to think you can buy me a drink and take me home.  That is using a person.  Are you that shallow and low to just think most women WANT to be used?  Maybe consider that women who are dating have been used so much that having a GENTLEMAN stand out on a date and treat her with respect would get HIM further in that relationship. I know, shocking information right there... treat someone like you value them and wait, they will respect and respond to that.  Novel idea. 

4) Talking about dates, why can't men PLAN the date like they did in the olden days.  Plan it... WOOO, men... WOO.  Take her to a nice dinner... take her out for a drink, and then take her home. Don't expect to get into those panties.  Be nice. Because when you are 85 and are old sex is the last thing you want from your partner you want a companion.  Honestly. I want to sit in my rocker SANS teeth and hold hands.  LOL

5) Don't smack my ass, when you first meet me.  JUST DON'T unless you want me to grab your penis like a tennis ball in response.

6) A woman is NEVER a man's property.  Never, ever mistake that.  She is a free thinking human being, and I really don't care if you are dating or married, don't ever forget that.

7) Hey, call her on the phone instead of texting her... out of the blue.  Guess what, she will value that more than a horny text any day.

8) How about this men... think about what you are doing before you do it.  When you are on a date, consider this... IF MY MOM WERE HERE, WOULD I DO THIS NOW? If the answer is no, then... wait... don't do it.  How simple is that?

Ok.  As I was saying... I am just a girl and maybe an outside participant in another member of my gender trying to date, and it scares me.  Dating today is scary.  And women, it's not all the men's fault for the dating spiral downward.  We also limit ourselves in dating... I know, evil... I am calling myself, and all other single women out there... OUT....

If you are still reading this and you are a WOMAN... And you want to be respected and cherished while dating... maybe you (like me) should STOP doing somethings....

1) Stop sending nude selfies to someone you have not even physically met.  Just don't... it's gross. And please see reasoning to the Men's section under 1).  Thanks

2) For the love of all that is HOLY....Stop being needy.  You are self sufficient and you don't NEED anyone to complete your life. YOU should be enough for you. Having a "person" is a bonus.

3) If you like a guy, stick with him.  And don't try and "date" anyone else.  That is just rude.

4) Do NOT... I say DO NOT say I love you too fast.  the word LOVE is an action.... and you want to make sure you can follow through with the word.  I was told by my therapist (yes... true story) to wait 3 months before you use it.  Make sure the person you are saying it to is truly someone you love. 

5) Take your blinders off.  Just don't do the, "but if he... or I think he will change"  because we don't want to CHANGE a person. (I personally hate this... when a woman tries to CHANGE a man or vice versa)

6) Take a chance... be a wee bit vulnerable.  Maybe you are too closed off and cold to honestly see someone for what they are worth.

7) Why date the same type of dude every single time.  I mean, you keep BREAKING THINGS OFF WITH THEM... look outside your normal.... you might be surprised at what you will find.

8)  Say no.  If you don't like them after the first date, or you don't like something the other person does... say so.  I get stuck in this one... I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  I was dating a guy from Illinois for a bit and I just didn't like him. I tried to break up with him (Merissa knows this story, lol) and he was SO NEEDY I took him back and was miserable.  This lasted for only a couple weeks but seriously. WHY be miserable in a relationship to make the other person happy? WOMEN... we do this so STOP. (that was more for me)


So ladies we suck at dating too...

We take whatever is there because we are lonely (men do this too) and sometimes we settle because we don't think anything else is out there. So what if there isn't anything else out there.  Buck up, buttercup... this life is a blessing... and if you have to walk it alone then do it... In a nice pair of heels... with a glass of wine occasionally... and really good friends.  Friends always make the world better. (in picture out listing to a guy with a guitar.. Me with my family and the best friends ever... Ann, Nate, and Becky)

Yep.  I can feel it... it definitely IS a Monday.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Musings of a Mom Gone Wild.... NOPE, Just Gone!

Dear 2014.... I am so over you already.

Not that it hasn't been FUN or anything... let me reflect on January through today....

Had surgery.... got infection really bad, had second surgery.... got more infection... repeat... then to top it off I now have pneumonia... in the middle of it all I had my debit card ripped off in Chicago and $1,700 taken out of my account.

So I am so done with 2014.... a new year to a new me is way overrated if this is how it is going to go....

BUT WAIT... it hasn't been ALL that bad... I mean... parts have sucked but other parts have been fantastic.

Like, my daughter's dance routine is fantastic.  They are so cute when they shake their fingers or booties to "build me up, buttercup" and every time I see her practice or perform my heart gets light and happy.... And my happy/sad moment of the year... registering her for kindergarten last Friday... time flies!

Or my son... he is so quick witted and way too smart for his own britches... but he is loving, compassionate and he is taking on new challenges both at school and outside of school which is so awesome!

2014 I am starting fresh and on my own (or really God +1). 

Which is hard. I mean, I haven't truly been on my own for a long time, and I am starting to like it, even though I have lonely moments.  Don't get me wrong... I LOVE being in a relationship, especially one that is comfortable and is nice and loving, but I think I really need to learn how to appreciate and love myself first.

I am truly happy from the inside out....  I love my life.  But I really didn't love myself for a long time, truth be told.... and it is a fact that I hid easily.  It has taken a lot of failure, praying, friends including good group of women at church to help me see that I need to love myself a bit more... So I am... I guess I never thought I deserved love.

Do any of you ever feel that way? You spend most of your life taking care of others and making sure their needs are met and that THEY are happy so you feel happy on the outside but on the inside you are miserable? On the inside a bit more of you is dying a small amount every day... maybe because you don't sleep, you stress too much over the small things, you don't eat right.... maybe you don't get any endorphin release or for shame I even say this in a public venue... you aren't getting your FUNKY DIVA on (or FUNKY DUDE)... you need an endorphin release...

MAYBE--- you fear laying it ALL down before God and saying, truly JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.... help me and lead me in this life...

just sayin'...

So I am truly working on myself and my kids... my endless rant and mantra.  I am also trying new things.  I went to a country concert last Sunday. YEPPP.... and I liked it. LOL Loved the Band Perry, and REALLY, are they country when they cross over with a song on the pop charts?

As I digress, I have cut out a lot of "things" in my life and I feel like I can truly breath for the first time (even with pneumonia. LOL)...

1) bad foods
2) soda daily
3) wine (I KNOW, this is a huge one)
4) bad mojo.... if I get frustrated I walk away and breath
5) toxic people (or what I like to call vampire friends... nice to your face, and suck your mojo right out of you in a split second)
6) expensive make-up.... if you don't want to like me sans make-up I don't want to like you either
7) restless sleep
8) toxic thoughts (this one is hard--- how do you get out of your own mind?)
9) most of my high heals
10) the idea that my outside appearance is more important than my inside worth

SO, my musings... not of a mom gone wild in the WHOOT WHOOT I GOTS TA PAR-TAY AND GET DRUNK WITH MY HOMMIES kind of wild... but a mom gone wild--- one who truly
 sees her self as human and not super-mom, FINALLY!


And this women before me today... this flawed human being who will never be perfect... who will always pick sweat pants and sneakers over a dress and heals... she is pretty cool.... and she rocks this hoodie.