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Sunday, July 8, 2012

Lessons Learned

Never once will you ever hear me say that I am perfect. Personally, I am a flawed human being with a ton of flaws, and man I make mistakes… I try not to make those mistakes again, but I cannot promise I won’t make them again.  The past month has been an emotional one for me. Maybe it is the pregnancy hormones (random aside: this baby is definitely different than my others… my others I never had morning sickness and with this one I am sick all of the time), maybe it is me reflecting on the past couple of months, maybe it is just everything is annoying me. LOL I don’t know… but I have learned several things.

Lessons I learned in the past month:

1)      I expect a lot out of myself and others. Right now I feel as if I am in a trial of integrity. Not with myself, but with some “friends.” I have learned that regardless of their personal actions (if they want to lie and put that out there in the world, it will come back upon them), I have to hold my standards higher – I strive to be truthful and have integrity.  What really bothers me (for those of you who know my religious beliefs and my undying faith in God) is that some of the people who are in this “trial” are my friends in Christ. Aren’t we as Christians supposed to have a high level of honesty? EVEN when it doesn’t always benefit us?

2)      I cannot do everything. I work from home, so I put extra pressure on myself to try and do everything because I work from home. (everything like, clean the house, do dishes, make dinner, do laundry, etc--- WHILE TRYING TO WORK!)  Matter of fact, I freaked out on my husband a few weeks ago, because he was cleaning while I worked and I told him to wait and I could help. His response (and I LOVE THIS MAN for stuff like this) --- I am home during the summer, you are working… I can clean and do things because YOU ARE WORKING.  He is right. I have to know my own limitations.  We all have them, and as moms we tend to think we are superhuman, err… we are not. We are human and we can ask for help.

3)      No one can read my mind. I know shocker right? But as I laugh and write this, how should I expect someone to do something for me (like get me chicken because I want it) if they don’t know. Last time I checked, we were not mind readers, but most of us respond well when asked a question, like… “Honey, I really would like some fried chicken. Can we get some?” So, I have to thoughtfully share my thoughts. If there is something on my mind… say it.

4)      Not all friends are “friends.” That one is hard for me, because I would give the shirt off my back for a friend if they needed it.  I have realized over the past few months that not all friends would return the favor for me. I am a nice person, I don’t like to hurt anyone, however in the next month or so I am going to be doing some housekeeping. We all deserve (myself included) to have people in our lives that would reciprocate the friendship and not just expect us to be there for them when they need us. Can I get an AMEN? You know you are sitting there reading this and you are agreeing with me. You too have “friends” such as this. I say CLEAN THEM OUTTA YO LIFE. (Easier said than done? I am about to find out)

5)      The true friends in your life need to be reminded of how important they are. We don’t thank each other enough for just being there. We thank each other for gifts, and for special occasions, but we don’t spend enough time saying, “Hey I appreciate you. Your friendship is so important to me.” I have friends that I have met in the past few months that I appreciate so much, along with friends I have had forever. You know who you are…

6)      My children, my family are my priority. How many times have we put work before our family? We work to make sure our family has what they want, what they need. Lesson learned - my family?? --- They just want my time. They don’t care if they get more than the Jones, they want time spent with them and that the time I spend with them is quality. They don’t need or want a fancy car or fancy vacations… they want time with me at the pool.  You cannot take back those moments. When the work day is done, it is done. My family takes priority.  That means that they take priority even over my damn cell phone. How many of you have a more intimate relationship with your damn cell phone versus your kids? Think about it? How many of you check that phone all the time? You check it first thing in the morning, and you check it before you go to bed, if you can’t find it you freak out. Maybe we need to leave the phone and treat our spouses, our kids the same way. Keep them by our side, check in with them all the time, and tell them how precious they are to us, freak out if we drop them in the toilet (bwahhaa)… I am just calling myself out here.  Tell your kids how proud you are of them, and try not to freak out of the small stuff (I say this again because I freaked out on Alex over something VERY trivial, after she was the most amazing as a big sister, daughter, cousin, and person for a very long trip… she absolutely amazes me, and I freaked out over something so small, WHY?).  I have to remember to not sweat the small stuff and to be there for them. Be an “in the moment” parent.

7)      My husband will be my best friend forever… it is ok for me to talk to him about anything. Sometimes I forget that he is not my ex. For those of you who have been married before, you know what I am talking about here.  When we tend to get upset, we sometimes put our ex and our spouse in the same bucket. AND here is the thing, my husband? He would NEVER be like my ex, even on his worst day.  He loves me and for every part of me. I have to remember that. He will be by my side and support me, he will get upset when I am hurt by others, and he will help my family out as if it were his own. He is and always will be the man chosen for me by God. I have to have faith in that, and NOT even compare him to my ex. (why do we do that? Especially in arguments? WHY?) He would never hurt me, he will always be there for me and talk with me about everything (even at midnight in the car about the politics and religion in Iowa surrounding Gay marriage rights--- don’t even get me started--- he will listen and let me rant and talk with me about it)… So why, do I shut down on him sometimes? I have to stop doing that… He is the love of my life.

8)      Happiness in life is created. YOU make your own happiness and no one else can make you happy. If you are not happy, change… See this is CHANGE something within yourself, not those around you.  Happiness is an individual thing and an individual creates his own happiness. Don’t blame others because you are not happy. Do something to change your life; you only have one chance at this life, run with it. I am so happy because of who I surround myself with. Positive, uplifting, funny people who are genuine. I made the decision to make happy happen. J So make happy happen, don’t wait for it to appear is if from nowhere.

9)      I love coffee. I will drink a cup of coffee (fully caffeinated, oh for shame) every day while I am pregnant. WHY? Lesson learned? If I don’t drink coffee I am a snappy-ass-bitch. No one wants to be around someone like that or be that person. So, there you have it. I am a coffee drinker and I still will have my caffeine coffee cup everyday while pregnant. (I won’t have 5, but I still want 1---LOL)

10)  Have the capacity to forgive others. Not that you have to forget, but try to forgive. Living with un-forgiveness is the hardest thing, it can make you bitter.  I can hear the words my grandma said in my head, “God forgave everyone; he gave his only son for us. If you cannot forgive are you saying you are better than God?” Well, NO. I am so not better than God, so I better learn how to forgive.  Which brings be back to point one above… I have to forgive those who don’t have the integrity I expect, but I don’t have to forget, nor do I have to put myself in their path.  And here is the thing, I have to forgive myself for the things I have done wrong in the past. I don’t have to forget them (because by not forgetting we don’t repeat that mistake) but I can forgive myself.  Does that even make sense? Maybe I am tired. LOL

So, that be a lot of lessons learned, yo. (trying to lighten it up here!) Some great lessons, in just a month. Maybe this baby in muh belly is making me more introspective… maybe it is making me more snarky, maybe it is making me more truthful about how I feel… regardless, I embrace it and the months to come.

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