Follow by Email

Monday, July 23, 2012

A New Dawn

I would be lying if I said the past few days haven’t been hard… they have been very hard for both my husband and I. 

Everywhere I go I see pregnant people and babies. I am sure my sadness surrounding my own loss will go away eventually, or fade… but for now, it is still there. I can close my eyes and see the ultrasound, hear the tech.

With that said, there have been a lot of sweet moments --- a lot of funny moments! 

Saturday we went to the farmer’s market. Enjoyed some time with my mom, my sister (Sarah), Izzy, Phillip, Maddy and Kennith--- ate a lot of food! Izzy, Maddy and Kennith enjoyed fried Oreos (they smelled funky to me) and then an omelet for breakfast. Yea, I was in that kind of mood to give them fried Oreos at 9 am followed by a 9:30 am breakfast… every once in a while that is ok.  Sarah and I found this awesome piece of artwork… we each bought one for our husbands. (I say husbands--- Sarah and Scott get married next Saturday… Close enough, right?)

I also got some of the tastiest guacamole from the vendor from Iowa City.  Um, I usually buy the small container, but they only had the large… I was worried about it being eaten --- um, by Sunday afternoon the bucket was DUN GONE.   I love walking around the farmer’s market. Saw a couple of friends, my sister in law… but mostly, I was with people who didn’t know the tragic events of the two days before. I could enjoy my kids and not get the pity look. 

Artwork purchased---- engraved brick--- LOVE IT! 

Saturday afternoon I watched my husband, Alex, and my father in law take down a tree in our yard. (AND MY HEART JUMPED A FEW FEET OUT OF MY CHEST EVERY TIME A BIG LIMB CAME DOWN) You guys, my husband and daughter would PULL the limb down and direct it down with their BODIES. I am one wigged out mama. LOL

Sunday we went to church and then had lunch.  My friend, Kai, came over and took me somewhere special.  She took me to the memorial for the unborn at the local cemetery.  She brought flowers for her 7 losses and my 4 losses.  We placed the flowers there and cried together… burned our butts on the marble slab together… laughed together over events in our life, and talked. 

We went over the whys and how our brains work… then she said something very prophetic about her daughter. She has a 15 year old daughter (same age as Alex, and they go to the same school, FYI)… There must have been something really special about her daughter for her to stay on this earth when so many other children passed on to heaven before being born. And this is true. Kai’s daughter is amazing, funny, sensitive, wicked smart… There is a reason why she is here on this earth. She has purpose that we don’t quite know yet, but she is made to do great things. I came home with a sense of understanding of sorts. A new dawn arose in my soul.  My kids are here for a purpose, a purpose beyond my understanding.  There is a reason why they made it to this earth and are growing up to be great people.  They are amazing. And I am honored to be their mama. 


  1. I feel like the ones that go to heaven have gone there for a purpose too. Maybe to teach us something we need to learn, maybe something we can't understand, or maybe they were just too perfect for this earth. I don't know, but I think the ones that don't get to stay are truly a part of our lives for a reason. Too bad god doesn't just send us a quick text so we understand. But that would be easy... I guess these lessons aren't supposed to be easy.

  2. Very true, Kendra... I think that is correct as well. Maybe they teach us to have more compassion... I know that with my loss it taught me to love more. I just take comfort in the fact that they are safe and I will see them again. Thanks for your note, Kendra... hugs!