The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of sorts, or maybe a roller coaster, or maybe a combination of both. I have tried to just move on trying not to think too much about what has happened, and I have thrown myself back into real life activities with my kids, home, and work. I started planning meals again and experimenting with recipes… School starts on Tuesday, I started being more active with the kids and getting out of the house.
I honestly think I couldn’t have gone through this life changing event and deal with the issues brought with it without my wonderful family and amazing friends. Tomorrow I go to see the cardiologist to discuss the heart stuff, which so far has been treatable with medication, but we may want to look at something more long term. Right now, the medication can only do so much. I found myself on a little hike with the kids today at the park and feeling chest pain. UGH. Anyway, as I digress… tomorrow is a day I am a wee bit nervous about.
So, with that said, while I was at my weakest, right after my hospital stay in Sioux City- I received some encouraging words from “anonymous” but I know it was a friend from Sioux City (based off of the post mark) and I knew who it was based off of handwriting (dear friend, I know your handwriting like my own, we are like besties, KWIM?).
She knows my religious beliefs and she knew in her heart and soul that my faith was being rocked by this roller coaster of events. And she sent me Bible verses to stand on. Verses about giving up my fear, burdens, and anxiety to God. Let go and let God take over. It was something I have been saying all along, but seeing it in my friend’s writing helps me actually do it. I see the verses daily and try to put them into practice and put my faith back to where it should be… with HIM. I am not in charge of what happens in this life, HE is.
I am at peace with whatever comes in the future. “Come to me all that are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28-29
I find comfort in the words my friend has sent me out of the Bible, and she sent them as if she knew it was my heart’s need. I am putting the Bible verses in a collage to keep with me always as a reminder. A reminder of what the Word says and how much I am loved by my friend, enough that she would take her time (she not only works, but she has 4 kids for cry eye) and send me these “love notes” so to speak from God.
As children we have many friends in school who we think we will retain for the rest of our lives, and unfortunately--- viewing this from a 40 year olds perspective--- this is not true. We retain only a small portion of those people as friends, and really they are mostly acquaintances. In my life, I have a lot of acquaintances, people who I am “friends” with but we are not close… they do not know my heart and what wears on it--- that is for a few select people, because my heart has been broken way too many times.
Ms. A, you are one of those friends. One I know will always be there for me no matter what and you know the road works both ways. We have been through a lot together, bad marriages, burning old love letters to get rid of the exes, dancing all night until we couldn’t wear our shoes, having pizza and nail painting parties on Thursday night while watching Grey’s, to church, to listening… really listening to each other and knowing how to read the signals for when we are each faltering. You catch me before I fall, and I catch you.
Today we both have amazing husbands and great families and even though the miles keep us apart, we are still there for each other. Only you could have sent me the words I needed to heal and move forward.
I wish everyone in life could have a girlfriend like Ms. A, someone who just gets you… loves you as a friend for who you are (quirks and all), who will pretend to be your lesbian lover when hit on by an old man who owns a bar(OH MY GOSH, remember he sent me that teddy bear with chocolate? LOL), will help you deal with the psychotic episodes with an ex, will play Chinese fire drill just for fun because the light turned red and there are cars everywhere, will stay up late at night and drink coffee and make omelets. Someone who will just come over and spend the night because they know you need them.
I encourage you, dear reader to reach out to your Ms. A in your life. Tell her (him) how much they mean to you, because maybe they don’t know how much they have impacted your life, and this life is short. Take time out to let them know that they have helped build you into the person you are today.
To Ms. A, I love you like a sister, and I still cannot believe how lucky I am to have you in my life. No one else would get this, but the mere fact that you just “happen” to walk in the restroom at church as I was having my meltdown and just stood there, loved on me and gave me Kleenex says it all. No words needed, the compassion you have is measured beyond words. Thank you for the flowers at the hospital, visiting me while I was drugged outta my mind in my hospital room, and sending me the love letters from God. YOU are one of the precious gifts He has given me. I am honored to have you as a friend. Love you more than peanut butter. J