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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Crap-tastic

Now, I am having a problem with Maddy. Some of my friends are aware of the situation and it is driving me bonkers. Maddy hates to poop. I swear, she would turn her poop into gold if she could. She HATES pooping...whether in her pull up or on the potty, she refuses to go. Instead, she stands behind something and pinches her butt cheeks and legs together to hold it in.

Saturday, she was so backed up, she was grouchy and mean. Hitting, spitting, biting, kicking... screaming... OMG, I wanted to crawl on the floor with a bottle of wine and rock myself. I felt that crazy. But, after we thought about it, we realized she hadn't pooped in 8 days. OMG. So, we gave her a suppository and that child squeezed it out within a minute. I swear, she has muscle butt, just sayin'. We gave her one more and wouldn't let her squeeze it out. After TWO hours of struggling, she finally went and we were in the bathroom (no diaper on, I was holding her so she could do it) and the poop came out with a THUD. Man, it was so hard and gross, and MAN like. You guys, my 2 year old pooped like a grown man... (NOTE, for my friends who don't have kids it is hard to explain the fact that we can talk about bodily functions and actually eat at the same time, and we are not grossed out, instead we commiserate. LOL)

She still had to have poop left. So we let her be, and we didn't harass her or bug her about it. Yesterday, after we dropped Kennith off at scouts, Maddy and I went to Walgreens. We are walking in the store, looking for A&D ointment and just looking at the Easter clearance (HELLO... M&Ms were $1.87, by the way! HOLLAH)... and Maddy juts her butt out... and she pushes. WHAT? This is new. She kept doing it, and then in her biggest 2 year old voice she said, "MOMMY. I DO IT. I POOPED A BIG ONE!" I was like yeah right, kid, you say that all the time but all you do is squeeze out butt juice (EWWW, I did just type it, but for those of you who have struggled with poop and a toddler, you KNOW exactly what I am talking about)... Anyway I said, "YOU DID, let me feel your diaper." She moved over to me, and it was as if my child's butt grew 4 lbs of odd shapes. She finally DID poop a big one, right here in the middle of the clearance Easter candy aisle and I have NO pull up. Her poop was so big, we had to run home before finishing up our shopping so I could change her. As we are walking out of the stores, she tells EVERYONE that she pooped a big one and she would be back. She told them that she gets candy for pooping the big one, and it didn't hurt. OMG, out of the mouths of babes, I tell you. People were laughing, and I KNOW my cheeks were red.

When we got home, she RUNS into the house and yells, "DADDY, I POOPED A BIG ONE. I DID IT, DADDY." He celebrated with her and then the removal of poop diaper became mission critical. This kid was stanky. The kind of stank that makes you look for the air freshener so you can spray the air after she waddles through the room. She and I went to her room and she lay on the floor. I swear, her diaper really did weighed 4 lbs from all the crap she pushed out. She felt better FINALLY.
We went back to Walgreens and she walked by someone working and she said, "I go home. I had a BIG poop and now I get candy." She is so funny! I couldn't stop laughing. My cheeks were red, but from laughing at how she was so friendly and so open to talk about her poop.

And here is the thing, through all the crap we go through and have to push out of our lives, we should all be able to take a step back and rejoice and laugh. So that is my lesson learned from what I call the crap-tastic adventure...

Happy Tuesday!

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