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Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Always the HARD Way... Lessons Learned

As November  comes to a close, we all start getting misty and overemotional about the things we are thankful for.... yet, we often neglect those who have impacted our path... be thankful for them... regardless of the outcome --> they lead us to the future us --> who is the us today and let's face it... the us today is more wicked awesome than the us a few years ago, right???? Without them (the haters, naysayers, questioners of our own abilities....) we wouldn't be who we are today, right?

 

CAN I GET AN AMEN???  AMAZING RIGHT?



Over the past few days, I have been BOUNCED into reality and I realize that those who are meant to be in my life will stick... I can weather any storm... Even when told by my mother that an ex of mine is dating someone of the SAME SEX --> which drew a TON of emotions... LIKE FROM GIGGLY TO WHAT THE HECK.... (so even though I have may friends and loved ones in same sex relationships, it is NEW to me to be on the "I was dating and/or married to someone who ended up in a same sex relationship Maury Povich kind of smack in the face reality).  Yeah, lots of questions, especially since I already wondered...and wondered, and wondered... THEN WAS LIKE EWWWW, was he having the S.E.X. with another person while we were together? And then I have to just let it go... I can't change the past and I have had an STD test done the last time I was at my OB for my VA-JAY-JAY exam and I have the ALL CLEAR, so who cares? I would have had the exam REGARDLESS, so its like a BONUS it was really needed...KWIM??? (OH THAT WAS BAD, BUT SNORT-TASTIC) I didn't cheat or think about it... anyway after my last OB appointment I verified the following ---- my hooo-haaa is OKEYY DOKEY and ready for POKEY... Just kidding... It is not ready for that, it just rhymed and was funny, GIVE ME A BREAK, I am trying to lighten the "I was with a man who is now with a man and we did the nasty because it was BIBLICALLY acceptable, if you know what I mean". But that is really about me and how I felt almost betrayed... I mean, why hide your truest self from others and let other's believe it (especially if they care for the core of you?).

Long story short: My kids and I deserve a family unit, I truly long to be Mrs. Cleaver. You know... from Leave it to Beaver? But a more 2014 version... And someday, it will come... I know it will. But with a twist. Like both parents work and respect each other and my husband will love my kiddos as if his own. He can appreciate me for my quirks and the fact that some times I have to work late and vice versa and we just "GET" each other.... Not much more than that... just someone who wants to be an US and not just a dating couple.

I am not ready to settle for less. What is so hard is to listen to my kids talk about what they view as family and how their little lives will be satisfied by having this "family unit".  I have to remember this walk I am taking is not selfish...It is NOT about me cuz let's face it.... lately  I am satisfied with a dinner at taco bell and a rental movie of my choice, LOL. Oh golly, by far it is NOT selfish... 

 

IT IS NOT ABOUT ME.

 

It is about HIM first, my kids second...


For paths directed by Him will lead to kids being fulfilled, and my life being fulfilled. I walk with HIM, in HIM, through HIM... every millisecond of every day. Things happen for a reason. People move forward. Sometimes you pray the people stick... and sometimes they do, sometimes they don't... they CHOOSE not to weather the storm with you.... and it is all good, because we are uniquely designed to do great works...  We have to remember this life we lead has a fully designed purpose, a reason... we are on a mission of sorts. 

And during that journey, we will offend some... we will lose some... but  at the end of the day, as long as I have my kiddos and my GOD, I will always be HAPPY and FULFILLED.  PERIOD. END OF STORY. FINITO.

Life is about making moments that stick forever in the corners of your mind... the ones that come back to make you smile or draw a thought near to your heart.  Life is about playing with mustaches after a seriously hard play therapy with your 5 year old.  Life is about changing EVERY ROOM in your home to make sure that 5 year old feels safe and happy....even though the clutter is driving you insane, and you WANT help, but you are TOO STUBBORN TO ASK for it....

 Life is about breathing in those moments... the silly, sappy, crazy moments that most people push to the way side. Life is about sitting in the conference for your 11 year old and hear his teacher describe him as emotionally deep and profound for his age... that he is an OLD SOUL.... and you smile and nod in agreement...

Life is about making mistakes and SUCKING IT UP when you do... admitting your fault with GRACE and dignity. Don't hide that sh*BLEEP*t. Seriously... too many people place blame, and if you MESSED UP own it, because I respect those who MESS UP and go, "WHOOPS I MESSED UP" versus those who NEVER take admit they made a mistake. Taking ownership of WHATEVER is better than leaving it. KWIM? What if David said? That lion? What lion? I didn't kill a lion? We would all be like, WHO IS THE FOOL IN THERE? :)

Life is about apple picking with your son when he is 4... and when he is 11 he remembers THAT day as one of his bestest days ever.

Life is about making every day count as your last.



I mustache you a question... what will you do today to make an imprint in this world? What will YOU do to change someone's perspective... what will you CHOOSE to do that will impact someone forever...

It is really your choice on how you chose to live... I live in freedom through my Lord who saved me... I live in HOPE and everlasting LOVE.  I live KNOWING that my tomorrow will be better than my today or ANY yesterdays... why? because I live and love without putting limits on anything.

OK. I should head to bed. Tomorrow is a school day and I am making my sissy's (Megan's) homemade donuts in BUTTAH... I must rest before I fry. *SNORT*

 And yes. In the picture below I decided to have a mono-brow for 5 minutes. Let's not hate on the upper facial stache. ;)

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