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Tuesday, April 1, 2014

A Comfortable Place

OK.  So this single mom stuff sometimes is for the birds. I kid you not. But I would say that given the good, the bad, and the ugly... I would NEVER take it back. I would NEVER change my life decisions and I would never want to go back to the way things were.

In life we make decisions and we live with the consequences of those choices for a lot longer than the day we make the choice... sometimes they can haunt us or champion us for many days, years, decades to come. 

As parents we make a lot of choices we may tend to regret, but here is the thing... did you learn from that choice? Did your child learn?

As long as we are continually learning then sure... there will be mistakes, it is normal... just don't repeat the same damn mistake over and over and over and over and over again.

So I am speaking to myself.  Sometimes when we make choices that are wrong --it is because we cannot say no.  We tend to be yes people (I was gonna say yes men, but let's face it... I am not a man and I don't pretend to even understand what goes through a man's head let alone...nor have I played on TV). 

Why is it hard to say no?  Lately I have found that I am so overextended with obligations by CHOICE that I cannot say YES to things I really want to do, the things I desire.

So why is it... Why can't I say no...

1) We don't want to say NO because we don't want the other person to NOT like us
GET OVER IT.  IF YOU SAY NO and they don't like you because of it they really weren't worth it to begin with.

2)  We don't want to say NO because we don't want to let the other person down. 
Really? There are how many other people out there who can say yes?  Quit with the guilt.  Say no, be confident and if you let them down it is temporary, but be true to yourself. You live with yourself EVERY SINGLE FRIKKIN DAY.  Don't let yourself down.

3) If I say NO I seem selfish.
SO WHAT.  You are allowed to be selfish

4) If I say NO I am a horrible person.
No you aren't and you are not a martyr so just say no and be done with it.

5) If I say NO but I have time it will seem like I am ungrateful to the other person for what they have done for me in the past.
Not true. You show your gratefulness through your actions and words.., and everything has a season... maybe you need to take a season off...

So here is the thing.  Be in your own comfortable place with you. Don't feel like you have to do something, go somewhere, have your kid involved in a multitude of sports and cultural activities.  Spend time together... get in that comfortable place where you can just be....

Challenge yourself to stand up for a cause... stand up for your own sanity and your own comfortable pair of slippers and a nice robe...

Just try it.  Saying NO may be one of the most healing things you have ever done, especially if it comes from the very root of your being and a genuine place.  And just to keep it real, making a conscious choice to say no to something or someone else, means I am making a conscious choice to say YES to my children... this is the kind of consequence I choose to live with.

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