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Thursday, August 1, 2013

Lesson Learned: Vulnerability

"Back to life.... back to reality... back to the here and now... OH YEAH... show me how, decide what you want from me..." - En Vogue

So... I sit here thinking about the last three years of my life, and the lyrics from En Vogue haunt me.

They are not lyrics that bring me joy, instead they are lyrics that make me think.

My entire life I have been vulnerable.  Vulnerable to people in my inner circle AND I give those in that circle a lot of "extra credit" (not like a teacher's extra credit, but extra credit in the fact that you can do mean or wrong things and I will forgive you).  After the last three years, I have decided to take a new perspective.

Vulnerability. Weakness. DEFENSELESS.

Really? I have been leading my life with the idea that being vulnerable is a good thing (and to some extent it is good, but to the extent I have been taking it, it is not). I would allow myself to be open to emotional harm. Put MY heart on the line, put MY beliefs on the line for someone else, so I wouldn't hurt them OR I wouldn't see them hurt. I live (or after this, LIVED) my life thinking that if I was the only one hurt because I made myself vulnerable to that, then it was fine.

Is that right? Is THAT what I want to teach to my children? Is that what I want for myself?

For all answers, it is NO.

So, from this day forward I change the world vulnerable to empathetic.  For a long time I thought they were similar but they are not. Empathy means identifying or understanding what others feel.  THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE.

This is my ME MISSION.  I am not a selfish person by any means.  Anyone who knows me knows I would do ANYTHING to help out a friend, or a cause, or a friend of a friend, or a friend of a friend's cause. What I mean by a ME MISSION is that I can empathize with someone without becoming vulnerable. 

A wake up call of sorts? Maybe.  But there it is.  Praises to the CHEESUS that at the tender age of 41 I finally figured it out.

I have to realize that I have needs, my kids have needs and they are as important or even (GOD FORBID I SAY IT) more important than other's needs. 

WOW. I think I just needed to type that out.... NOW I must start living by it. 

Thank you for reading my 12:49 AM post about vulnerability. Have a wonderful day.

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