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Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Musings of a Mom Gone Wild.... NOPE, Just Gone!

Dear 2014.... I am so over you already.

Not that it hasn't been FUN or anything... let me reflect on January through today....

Had surgery.... got infection really bad, had second surgery.... got more infection... repeat... then to top it off I now have pneumonia... in the middle of it all I had my debit card ripped off in Chicago and $1,700 taken out of my account.

So I am so done with 2014.... a new year to a new me is way overrated if this is how it is going to go....

BUT WAIT... it hasn't been ALL that bad... I mean... parts have sucked but other parts have been fantastic.

Like, my daughter's dance routine is fantastic.  They are so cute when they shake their fingers or booties to "build me up, buttercup" and every time I see her practice or perform my heart gets light and happy.... And my happy/sad moment of the year... registering her for kindergarten last Friday... time flies!

Or my son... he is so quick witted and way too smart for his own britches... but he is loving, compassionate and he is taking on new challenges both at school and outside of school which is so awesome!

2014 I am starting fresh and on my own (or really God +1). 

Which is hard. I mean, I haven't truly been on my own for a long time, and I am starting to like it, even though I have lonely moments.  Don't get me wrong... I LOVE being in a relationship, especially one that is comfortable and is nice and loving, but I think I really need to learn how to appreciate and love myself first.

I am truly happy from the inside out....  I love my life.  But I really didn't love myself for a long time, truth be told.... and it is a fact that I hid easily.  It has taken a lot of failure, praying, friends including good group of women at church to help me see that I need to love myself a bit more... So I am... I guess I never thought I deserved love.

Do any of you ever feel that way? You spend most of your life taking care of others and making sure their needs are met and that THEY are happy so you feel happy on the outside but on the inside you are miserable? On the inside a bit more of you is dying a small amount every day... maybe because you don't sleep, you stress too much over the small things, you don't eat right.... maybe you don't get any endorphin release or for shame I even say this in a public venue... you aren't getting your FUNKY DIVA on (or FUNKY DUDE)... you need an endorphin release...

MAYBE--- you fear laying it ALL down before God and saying, truly JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.... help me and lead me in this life...

just sayin'...

So I am truly working on myself and my kids... my endless rant and mantra.  I am also trying new things.  I went to a country concert last Sunday. YEPPP.... and I liked it. LOL Loved the Band Perry, and REALLY, are they country when they cross over with a song on the pop charts?

As I digress, I have cut out a lot of "things" in my life and I feel like I can truly breath for the first time (even with pneumonia. LOL)...

1) bad foods
2) soda daily
3) wine (I KNOW, this is a huge one)
4) bad mojo.... if I get frustrated I walk away and breath
5) toxic people (or what I like to call vampire friends... nice to your face, and suck your mojo right out of you in a split second)
6) expensive make-up.... if you don't want to like me sans make-up I don't want to like you either
7) restless sleep
8) toxic thoughts (this one is hard--- how do you get out of your own mind?)
9) most of my high heals
10) the idea that my outside appearance is more important than my inside worth

SO, my musings... not of a mom gone wild in the WHOOT WHOOT I GOTS TA PAR-TAY AND GET DRUNK WITH MY HOMMIES kind of wild... but a mom gone wild--- one who truly
 sees her self as human and not super-mom, FINALLY!


And this women before me today... this flawed human being who will never be perfect... who will always pick sweat pants and sneakers over a dress and heals... she is pretty cool.... and she rocks this hoodie.

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