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Monday, November 11, 2013

When Life Hands You Lemons...

You know that old saying...

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade?

I question who came up with it. And did he add sugar to the mix? Or just lemons and water?
I mean, I love lemon in my water, but I want more -- SOMETHING! Like a splash of grenadine in that glass.  (haha, or a shot of vodka, let me be totally real here...) NOT that I am a huge vodka drinker.. err, I mean lemonade... or both, but this saying came into my head today and I was like --> THANK GOD I didn't settle for the lemonade.  Can I get an AMEN?
Anyway, I was thinking about my life and the ups and downs I have been through in the last year.  For a while, I felt like I was on an endless downward spiral and had no way of seeing past it. I didn't realize how lonely I felt in a marriage where I wasn't shown love, and I quite possibly didn't show love in return... I was so depressed- even on a daily regimen of antidepressants (I am no longer on them, WHOOT WHOOT).
I even tried to date someone after my split with Phillip, but I wasn't "feeling" it as I should.  Do any of you EVER go through that? You don't want to be alone, you date someone.. they are OK to be with and you like them.... but maybe the spark is brighter for them than you? I am not trying to come across as insensitive or OH LOOK AT ME AND MY HOTTNESS... I am trying to just be real.  Or what about future intentions? What if you (by you I mean me) don't want to really have a serious relationship but they do?
Have you EVER stayed in a relationship due to fear? Fear of moving on by yourself? Whether it is a love relationship, a friendship, or a work relationship?
I know I have and why?  Why did I stay in that relationship for a couple of months if I didn't feel anything? I mean, I wanted to... I tried to, but I really didn't feel the way I should have... I had lemon water and I wanted a vodka lemonade with a splash of grenadine, damn it!
So how do we make the change? RIP OFF THE FRIKKIN BAND-AID!!  If you stay in that "place" for a longer time, not only are you making your life miserable but the other person's as well.  WHY sit there in a state of falsehood when you KNOW it isn't the perfect match for you.  WHY settle for cooking fries because it is easy but makes you fee miserable when you KNOW you could do something else that would fulfill you? WHY???
I know why...

It is because you






Scared of what? Failure? Disappointment? Hurting someone else's feelings?  Not ever finding your niche or your 'person'?
OK. So what? I mean really... So what.  So you fail at one thing, there are plenty of successful people who fail, we all do.  Disappointment? In yourself? Worried about what other's think? Last time I check -- I have free will.  The only person I care about disappointing is GOD and even HE forgives me. Hurting someone else's feelings?  This may happen.  They may hurt, and be manipulative and use these crazy hurtful tactics... but when we hurt we lash out.  Give them the space... When I split with my relationship person after Phillip, I was so scared to hurt him, I broke up with him and then I took him back... ONLY to break up with him again.  WHY did I take him back? Because he hurt and I wanted him to be happy, even if that meant I was miserable.  People will hurt. We are built to feel and react. 
Why worry about what other's think?  Child, please... Everyone has their own cross to bear and if the other person showed all of their dirty laundry, you would be pure as the driven snow.
Never finding your niche or your 'person'?  Well, if you don't go out there and try you will never know what exists.  Put yourself out there and be open to the possibilities of WHAT can be.
Because you never know when that vodka lemonade with a splash of grenadine will just wander into your life and make you realize that all the worry and fuss from before wasn't worth it... You realize that your future as you prescribed it just may change in the drop of a moment... because YOU were handed the lemons, and you gave them back shouting... "SUCK ON THIS!" You just knew there was something better down the road, because you didn't for once want to settle.
Be in the moment.  Live YOUR life... make your own lemonade....

*** Edited to add: I haven't blogged in about 2 months so I am ALL over the place.  It may be because it has been so long, OR it may be that I have so much to say and very little time... Maybe it is just the ADHD kicking in***

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