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Monday, November 26, 2012

What is a Parent? Put Yourself in Check.

So I haven't blogged in a while, and to be honest that is because the past few weeks have been insane.  Kids were out of school, Maddy was sick and then hospitalized, then off to Thanksgiving with my sister, her hubs, my cousin Ted, his partner Don, and their son, Dantae. So a whirlwind of sorts for the past few weeks.

One thing that has been eating at me is what makes someone a "good" parent? Is it all of the money in the world? Buying new things for your child? Letting them stay up late? Giving into your child when they scream at you in the store? Making your child go with you to an "adult" event? Having the 'guys' over for beers and football? Only bonding with your child when it is convenient for you?  How about not keeping your child on a schedule because you are too chillax' to do stuff like that, just roll with it?

My answer is no.  None of those things make you a good parent.

So before we talk about being a good parent, lets talk about being a parent who needs help first...

And here is the thing, if you are offended by my comments below, maybe you need to check yourself and get right with your child before they grow up and realize that you were too selfish to give anything up for them. Quit being a douche, check yourself... fix your shit, then move on.

I think my husband said it best to Maddy's biological father last night... "when you give birth to a child you automatically get the title of mom or dad... you really don't have to earn it. BUT when you are a step parent, and the child one day calls you mom or dad, it is because you earned it.  Being a parent is NOT something that should be taken lightly. A child should change your life...for the better. I have earned the title DAD with my step kids, not by biology, but by being there and being someone they can rely on--- I earned it and I cherish it."

Maybe when we are the biological parent to a child, we don't have to work as hard to earn that title, but we really should.  Things I know parents do that they shouldn't... now these are not made up, these are real events that have happened and I am relaying it and FINALLY voicing my opinion publicly. IT FEELS GOOD TO PUT THE BITCH HAT ON.

Things a parent shouldn't do...

1) Take your child to a pub for dinner on the weekend at 9 pm at night. So many times I see children in a bar after 9 pm eating dinner while old geezers are getting drunk at the bark and pinching the waitresses asses or commenting about whose tits are bigger. UM, NO. This is not the kind of behavior a child should be privy to.  Let them experience this behavior when it is age appropriate. Don't you force it upon the child because YOU want to be there. Get over it. It is a bar, this is your child. REALLY? WHAT should come first.

2) A parent shouldn't smoke weed or do any drugs. PERIOD. END OF STORY. Let alone around their kids, are you kidding me here? If you are a parent, or an expecting parent, for the love of all things holy put the crack pipe down and care about someone else besides yourself for a minute.  Do you REALLY think the worlds problems are solved when you are high? Great act of responsibility, genius.

3) Wait, what about keeping your toddler up until one in the morning because you don't like to get up in the morning and take care of him. GROW THE HELL UP. Get that baby to bed at a descent time and go to bed yourself.  Feed your child, take care of your child, get up and do the dishes if they are dirty. I don't care how old you are, if you made the decision to have the S-E-X and you were irresponsible enough not to "wrap the sausage" then you have to now grow up.  Put your child's needs first. It is that frikkin' easy. Your life is now on the back burner.  Your child comes first. Do you even understand that you are to SACRIFICE your own needs for your child?

4) Don't eat before your child. Really? I had a "friend" feed herself first and leave her toddler screaming because she was hungry too.  Come on bitch, your child cannot even feed herself yet, YOU have to do it for her. What part of common sense are you missing?

5) Hey, it is so cool that you are on public assistance and you have an iPhone and a new car, and then trade your food stamps for beer and your kid is eating ramen noodles. WTF? Really? I shouldn't even have to go into this in more detail.  One word explains it well "LOSER."

6) A parent shouldn't spend more time in a bar than with her kids. Come on, everyone wants to get out and "let their hair down" but really? Every weekend your drunk? That is really showing responsibility.

7) As a single mother, you introduce your children to every man you date when they get up in the morning.  Like that is healthy... "Hi honey this is (what was your name again?)... I guess I got the whole dating thing wrong. I wouldn't introduce my kids to just anyone. SMH.

8) Taking your child's child support for botox. (enough said)

The list goes on and on...

What makes a good parent?

It's easy.

Be there for your child. 

Tell them you love them, and show it.

Put them first, even before yourself.

Get on a schedule.

Make your child accountable.

Lead by example.

Think about your actions.  Do you really want to bring your child down or lift them up? I want my kids to be better than I am. I want them to attain more that what I have. I want to lead by example. That means I will go to Cub Scouts with my smiley face on. I personally cannot stand how disorganized it can be, but my son loves it. AND I can learn from it as well... a skill called patience.

This man in the picture is a fantastic parent.  He honestly spends every day of his life leading by example.  He is the daddy to my children.  He is an amazing parent.


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