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Tuesday, January 7, 2014

It's Not About You... It's About Me

So, I was just messaging my dear friend about this awesomeness she is going through and how she wants to share this joy with my son and I, and I realize that she, a lot like me, spends a lot of time focused on helping others.

And sometimes, we focus so much on others that we forget to focus on ourselves. 

Over the past few months I have really taken a kin to cleansing the crap out of my life, but the one thing I am not good at is letting go of what others expect of me, or making others happy or satisfied with MY actions.  Why do I have to prove my love or worth? I shouldn't have to but I always find I am doing it... whether it is with work, or my kids... family, friends... MEN!

So, I have decided that with some aspects of my life, and choices I make in the next year it is about me... it is SO not about you (and not you -- personally, you the general use of the word... and well, by me I mean me specifically and my kids).

Now riddle me this, how do certain people attract the same type of person in their life time and time and time and time and time and time and time again?  WHY?  Is it because they are used to be treated that way? Or do they NOT care about their own life enough to have higher expectations?  I am just asking. OR when will my 42 year old self get to the point of loving myself enough that I don't let other assholes walk all over me? WHEN? 

I am holding up the MELISSA ROCKS flag and I will wave it and take care of myself and if I say NO to you, IT IS NOT about YOU (and again, it is not the personal you, it is the general you). 

So yes, it is about me... It is my turn to be selfish.  Please don't use your martyr tactics to make me feel sad or tell me that you are the bad person because if you are using someone and lying to them... guess what, your a bad person.  End of story.  If you don't like it, fucking change it. This is what I honestly wanted to say to that man today who was taking my friend's food stamps. YOU NEED TO WAKE UP AND CHANGE!  But he would respond, I am 40, I am too old to change... to which I respond... TOUCHE ASS... here's a dolla, got a few quarters?  It is that easy... CHANGE!

So for me, I am making life choices... and they are for MY betterment... like my surgery on Friday.  It is cosmetic, and I have friends that tell me I look fine the way I am and that they don't notice my odd stomach (after loosing all the weight).  But this surgery is not about them and matter of fact it is not about being sexier for anyone else.  It is about being better, and sexier for me.

This tummy tuck I am having is all for me...

and well, it honestly is for the fact that when I can eventually run again I won't feel like I have a third boob smacking my vagina.

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