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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Confessions of a Mom-aholic

Sometimes we tend to do (or even think about) some of the craziest stuff that we would NEVER admit to anyone.

Right? RIGHT!

Today, I am coming clean.  I am going to confess some of my mom-aholic tendencies.

(NOTE: I hope my children who can read do not read this- lol)


1) I have licked my finger and then used said saliva covered finger to wiped off my son's chin while driving to school to get food off of it like a crazy mom who has had to much caffeine... AND I SWORE I WOULD NEVER DO IT!

2) On one of my first dates with my hubby -I farted really loud in the car and couldn't stop laughing... it was the most embarrassing moment of my life.

3) I have put my kids on time out or even grounded them for rolling their eyes.  NOTE: If they would see how many times I roll my eyes on a daily basis---  I would never be able to leave my bedroom--- I would be grounded for life.

4) I have said a ton of things I swore I would NEVER say (things that irked me when I was growing up)... Things like:
                            * If you keep making odd faces like that, your face is going to stay that way!
                            * Do you think I am made of money?
                            * Last time I checked, the money tree in the back yard is bare.
                            * WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE (to which my son sweetly replies, your son... lol)
                            * Make sure you have clean underwear on... what if you had to go to the hospital today (actually, I don't say that to the kids, I say that to myself. LMAO)

5) I purposely make brownies before the kids get home from school so I can lick the bowl and not share the spatula.

6) I have picked a booger out of my daughter's nose while in public.

7) I told my kids that I can tell if they are lying by looking into their ear.  I told them all that there is this little thingy in their ear that sticks out when they lie.  NOW, they stopped lying--- but is this wrong? To lie to them about how I find out if they are lying or not?

8) I forgot my son's school picture day.  He went with a crazy mo hawk and a Annoying Orange T-shirt.  (Mom of the year award on that one)

9) During my lunch our (while the kids are at school) I pull out the X-box and I practice Dance Party 3 and Wipe Out so when the kids want to play I can actually come close to winning.

10) I make my kids eat green beans (they love them)... I cannot stand them for some reason. So when they are not looking I feed mine to the dog--- SOME of the time.

11) I put butter on everything I can.  Matter of fact, if I could eat it plain I would.

12) I stalk my children on Facebook and what is even worse, I stalk their friends... Not really stalking, just "keeping an eye" on their social networking.

13) Talking about social networking, I almost---ALMOST--- thought about getting onto MyYearbook (a high schoolers version of Facebook) as someone else and being my daughter's friends just to survey the land.

14) I dream about being a rock star.  Like Lita Ford.  Big hair... leather pants...

15) I make my kids clean their rooms every week, yet I cannot find a single pair of jeans in my mess of a closet.

16) I hide veggies in mashed potatoes (I put cauliflower in the mashed potatoes).

17) I give boyfriends a hard time, just because I can. I want them to know what they are really getting into when they date one of our daughters. LOL

18) I speak the truth.  My kids ask me about periods, sex, drugs and drinking... I tell them the truth... even if it can be embarrassing...

19) I have purposely yelled out at my child in an obnoxious accent while at the mall just to embarrass her.

20) I have given the stink eye to someone who has hurt my child.  I will not say anything, but I will give them the stink eye.

21) I hide the noisy toys every once in a while on the weekend just so it is a bit quieter. LOL

22) I secretly want to be a real housewife of something for one day so I can drink martinis and buy a Louie handbag as a souvenir.

23) I cry when my kids get special awards at school or are recognized at a major event.

24) I take pictures of everything because I don't want to forget one single moment. Even a little breakfast outing on a school day.

25) and this one is really bad... I am extra nice to people I cannot stand... in a really overly nice kind of way. That way they THINK I really like them, when in all actuality I am trying to find the nearest salad fork so I can poke an eye out.

26) I know I am quirky.  I know I am weird.  But, I am OK with it.  Really... I may pretend to be more normal than what I am just to hide my quirkiness.

I know I have more confessions, but I think this is enough for today. I feel cleansed... renewed!

Have a great day!

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