The Change of a Lifetime

So, I am at this cross roads in my life where change is inevitable. SO I am facing a change of a lifetime, not a chance at a lifetime.

The change for me is internal. 

I think that for a  long time I strived to be the best at everything.  The best worker, the best child, the best mom, the best wife, the best friend, the best person you could ask to do something and she would drop it to do it for you kind of best person.

And I was exhausted. It made me physically tired. I couldn't keep up.  I would get mad because I would forget events or even birthdays.  I was too busy trying to be the "best" at everything that I became the worst at one thing... being me.

I forgot how to laugh.  You know, the deep from the belly, rolling up out of your mouth... you cannot contain it kind of laugh.  I forgot how to play... I forgot how to be silly. I forgot to have humor in my everyday life.  I forgot me.

TIME TO REIGNITE!

Not that I am all selfish and stuff, but it is time to reignite me.  I am vivacious, in your face, tell you like it is, but love you kind of gal. I have two feet, I can stand on them.  Enough of this boo-hoo, pitty... woah is me kind of shit.  Time to strap on the boots and stand up.

I have NEVER been one to rely on anyone else for help, and I am very strong willed.  So, no one else can help me put on my big girl panties (because if you read my blog you know I gots me some HUGE big girl granny panties still) ...I have just have to get to it.

So, part of my me-mission is to really embrace the magic moments with my kids.  Whether it is gazing at the stars at night with my son, or playing Barbies with my daughter. I need to be a more "in the moment" mom and sometimes throw my hands in the air and just be.  Just do something that will make a memory with my child. 

I mean, how many times in my kids life have I been too busy working to just be in the moment with them? To really sit down and listen to their stories and laugh? Far too few than I would care to admit.  I mean, I am there, but am I really there? NO. I am thinking about the 17 things I need to do the next morning at work.  Work-aholic.  Yep that is me. I have kicked so many bad habits that this is the last one that haunts me. There is NOTHING more important than my family. NOTHING.  So things can go sit on the side lines like the second string quarterback.  They are just things, this is my family... the children I am raising to be better than anything I could ever be. So why NOT spend the moments with them? I mean, I work from home so I can enjoy time with my kids.

 

WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T I?

I mean who is holding me back from the belly laughs with my mini-mes? ME!! I am the one! 

Take a few minutes to enjoy your kids, they don't stay little for long.  They grow up fast.

Take time to do the silly things.  Today, it was 7:15 am.  My little Maddy wanted to play with chalk outside.  We were both still in our jammies and she had chocolate milk mouth... and I was about to say NO.  We have to get your bath, and brush your teeth, and wash your face, and...and...and

So many 'ands'... instead I said, "Never mind that 'and' stuff.  Grab the chalk sister... let's go play."  And she looked at me and giggled.  She wanted to play hopscotch.  My four year old had me draw the game and she told me how to play.  And I sit here in tears because I knew how to play all along... but when did SHE learn.  She learned it without me.

So, I don't want those moments to slip through my fingers. I want to cherish them as if they are the Willy Wonka's golden ticket and I am just one holder of a select few tickets.

 I want to be part of THAT magic.