I am sure I did... but really. I finally DO get Dick. Dick is my therapist. Well, was my marriage therapist until the "marriage" was determined to be a financial arrangement versus a real love relationship. But I do get what he was saying.
He told me, "Don't get emotionally involved in a relationship for three months. This will keep you in an objective status."
He meant a romantic relationship, but I applied it to all relationships and really, work in general. I have determined that I am empathetic and vulnerable, so it is easy for me to emotionally attach and I don't like to really hurt people (I know- for most of us this is a "DUH MELISSA" moment, but honestly there are people who strive and "get off" on hurting other people).
I don't like to be the person who:
* Tells you that your dress makes you look fat, when it really does
* Has to tell you your fly is open after you talked in a public venue or had to do something really important.. or really EVER
* Has to tell another person bad news. I remember having to tell my mom and my sisters about my dad's passing. It was the worst thing I ever had to tell them. I know how much they all cared about them (even my mom who had been divorced from my dad) and how they would hurt. If I could have figured out a way to lessen the pain, I would have
* Has to fire someone
* Watches as someone else gets verbally "abused" by a friend or other person, but I don't want to step in between, because I don't want to offend or hurt either person
When any of these things happen, I physically get sick. I emotionally connect so fast, it is hard for me to detach and look at it from an outside perspective.
Recently, I have started using the "Dick approach" and trying to look at things from an outside perspective. It has been very eye opening. I realize that I have a HUGE tolerance for things normally other folks don't have patience for... and I try (TRY) to have patience and the grace of God when dealing with those situations that require it.
Lately, I feel as if EVERYTHING in my path has tested my resolve. The resolve to be myself and to be objective and to remove the emotional connection so I can view things objectively.
Here is what I have learned through my "test":
1) I am definitely NOT perfect, I am flawed
2) I do not tolerate grown adults who say things out of anger, and then after they are called out on it, apologize (repeatedly). If you are an adult, you should be able to conduct yourself as though you are and you DON'T get a do-over. Do-overs are for children. You cannot consistently be rude to others, while expecting everyone to bow down to you, and then apologize for your rudeness later on.
3) I have wants and they are as important as other peoples wants
4) I can be happy alone
5) I have few "friends" but a lot of acquaintances--- I have always been emotionally guarded (even though extremely outgoing)
6) I am worth the wait--- so if I am hesitant regarding something it is ok, I don't have to rush it (especially with relationships and other big decisions like moving). If the other (person or thing) is not willing to wait for me, it is probably not the right timing
7) I don't have to settle for less than what I deserve in life
8) People make mistakes. .Forgive often, because you too need forgiveness from time to time. We are not perfect as humans.
9) I may make decisions that are best for me, and I may hurt others along the way unintentionally, and that is OK
10) I am perfect for me
I LOVE DICK! I never thought I would ever want to say those three words and actually scream them at the top of my lungs until now.
Oh dear Dick. I finally get it and I get it....REAL GOOD, DICK... very well played. No wonder you are a therapist. Dick Therapy is what I call it (and then I giggle and snort like, because THAT's my gross personality, sometimes I make jokes that a 16 year old boy would. Dick Therapy... bwahhaaaa)....
Changes are a'comin... Melissa is a'growin'. Life is a-changin' for the better.
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