I am having a very hard time right now because I am trying to help in a very difficult situation. A situation where I thought that things would somewhat change and it would be fine, but I am starting to think things are definitely NOT fine...
Recently, someone important in my life left an abusive marriage. She was choked, provoked... she was ridiculed on a daily basis and was controlled. I listened to messages from her "husband" screaming at her telling her that she was HIS property and that she had to come home to HIM because he owned her.
Screaming, yelling... high and drunk while doing it all....
He is getting help NOW for the drug and booze issue, I am proud of him for that, but what he is not doing, is dealing with the abusive nature he is so accustomed to.
NOT to give him any slack or justification, but he grew up in a very abusive house. He is his father's son... the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and all that jazz... (his father is/was a verbal and physical abuser)...So how is he going to fix the original demon that he carries like armor? How is he going to stop being abusive? I personally thought that when he got help through NA or AA it would help with the abusive behavior, but unfortunately it has not helped.
I feel caught between a rock and a very hard place on a small ledge with no where to go but down...
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| The actual public post on FaceBook. I hid the names to keep all parties free from identification on my blog |
I want to help, because I love the child... but it is too much emotional roller coastering.... from him that I don't think I can do this anymore. I have lifted it up to God for help because I cannot do this. Especially when his father and he talk poorly about my sister and on Facebook where friends can see and share it... it makes her depressed... and it truly is uncalled for. I will not use any names here to protect them all and really this is MY blog to blog about whatever comes to my mind... so this is it...
I want to scream from the roof top that the baby's mom is NOT partying or doing anything besides raising her baby and trying to gain employment as any single parent would. And I don't really take care of the baby. I help out from time to time and I coordinate visits. THAT IS IT. I don't feed her, I don't change a poopy diaper, and I don't do any of that... SMH... I want to cry because we spend so much time in this world blaming others instead of just fixing our own stuff and forgiving... (that is a different blog for a different day)....
I guess I have to sit here and remind myself that I cannot fix it. I never could. The abuser has to want to change, and if he/she can get her way by being a bully and by being rude why change? It has worked in the past.
And on a side note tangent, why do we expect that we can CHANGE people? We cannot change a person, they change on their own... so I cannot change this person... I can only be myself and show him a better way to communicate...
ANYWAY...
So, when people fail you... what do you do? Does it even make sense to get mad back or call them out or does it make the situation worse?
I find that here I am... I the person who helps facilitate the pick ups and drop offs. I do it with a happy heart. I have to abide by a court document and I can be a bit flexible with it, and when I do and give him more than what is required he or his father shows true colors... Is it worth my happiness and my sanity?
IN ALL THINGS LOOK UP...
Look up in the sky to the everlasting Father, my Daddy with eyes and heart and mind of a child....
I have to always say as I am getting ready to do something, "GOD... let it be YOU who speaks from my mouth and not me, because right now I cannot do this... I need YOU."
I also have to remember that people will always fail me and fail each other... we are born imperfect, a creation of strung together successes and failures... we are born to fail and without the help of God we will continue to fail... but with HIS love we will change, and walk in Him.
Maybe I need to just rest my faith there. Rest in the fact that God will watch over the situation and bring some light at the end of the tunnel.
Until then, what would you do? Would you still continue to help facilitate the meetings or step down?
Curious....
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