Understanding

I guess I am a person who always tries to understand, who treats others with respect, even if I have issue with them.  I am finding out how difficult it is to raise someone who has been taught differently.  My stepdaughter's mother is someone who just doesn't use kindness upon anyone unless she needs something.  When she speaks to people on the phone or in person she uses the F bomb like its the word "the".  She treats others without any form of respect, yet she demands it. She is rude, vengful, irresponsible, and she really only cares about NUMBER ONE--- herself. She is a selfish woman.

She is a grown up, her mama didn't do a good job raising her, and I can't fix it.  I can though show her how adults are supposed to act. I can show her through my actions and my words, and it will not affect her. But I at least hope her daughers (my stepdaughters) would see through my actions what adults are supposed to be like. How adults are supposed treat others and their children. But this has not been the case.

I sit here with a completely broken heart. I know kids can say things out of hurt when they are sad, I get it. But last night it was the straw that broke THIS camel's back.
When I married my husband, I gained teenage girls. I have NEVER been a mom to a teenage girl, mind you have I have BEEN a teenage girl myself. LOL But, also coming into this marriage with baggage from my own stepmother (don't even get me started), I wanted to show them all the time that I love them. I still want to uncoditionally show them daily.  But what do you do when you hear your 15 year old step-daughter talking with her mother while packing a bag about how much she has hated living here for a long time. About how she doesn't like me. About how mean I am to her, when all I have done is provide for her, love her (showing her and telling her), do special things with her... and her mother? She does NOTHING. Her biological mother lives with her parents, she had a baby last November after trying to "trap a man" (AGAIN this would be the 4th time) with a baby. She has a job NOW, but didn't have one for a long time. She would say the "state paid" her to have the baby. WHO DOES THAT? She even sat in my kitchen last week and begged, cried and lied to me to get money. How much you ask? $300 to $800. 

So after hearing my step daughter talk with so much venom about me, and I have done nothing but show her love...My heart didn't just break... It cracked wide open. I had an anxiety attack.

I know she is lashing out because she didn't want to go to the doctor today, but last night's anger attack went a little too far.  When do you approach a child and let them know their bully behavior is abusive? When she doesn't get what she wants, she attacks and attacks hard. She knows her words hurt, and yet she still chooses to use them.  She verbally attacked me last night just to hurt me.  She hurt me so bad, I couldn't breath.

When is it enough? When do you keep fighting to have a relationship? When do you just give up? I am really looking for some help here because I am ready to give up? Her mother and I are like night and day... oil and vinegar when it comes to raising kids and when it comes to being a member of society.